Influence

I watched this show were people had to live in one house for a couple of weeks and I saw this guy. He reminded me of someone I used to like. And love. He used to tell me about all the parties he went to. I didn't go to a lot of parties. I knew, that if I drank one drink to many, I would probably wake up the next morning in his bed. I get drunk so easily, I can never trust myself with it. So I don't trust people who drink. I have seen so many guys change under the influence of alcohol, I hate it. It destroys who you are.

But then again, if I drank and I let myself go, I would stop thinking and just do. If I saw a guy that was my type and got to know him that one night, I wouldn't think. I would sleep with him and maybe regret it the day after. But what if I didn't? What if I had no regrets? I would do it again. What if that night had to happen, for greater things to happen. What are the odds on meeting someone like that and it turning out you're perfect for each other? Whatever attracted me to him, did so for a reason. There is a reason for everything. What has to happen, happens.

 
Only by the Night
 

What does it mean?

I had this dream two nights ago. I was on my bike and in front of me, there was this guy 50 meters away from me, also on a bike. I said something to him and he said something back, but he didn't slow down. I tried to reach him, but he was too fast. We followed this path of white/beige gravel to a train station. You could only reach the station if you went down an endless amount of stairs. You couldn't go down with your bike, unless you knew how to. There were parts where it went downhill without stairs, so you could go down easily, with a lot of turns. But you could only do that if you had already done it before. I looked for the fastest way down and found this little road without stairs which gave me the chance to reach the station in only 3 meters. I found him standing on the train, so I ran to him, but the train was already moving. Then suddenly, I saw this women point a gun. I screamed and tried to warn him, but I woke up before anything happened. Talk about a cliffhanger.
But what does it all mean?
Am I never going to reach a curtain goal or person?
Will I find obstacles on my path and overcome them or be too late?
No matter how hard I try, will I loose sight of this person I love?
Is something going to happen to this person or am I willing to give my life for him?
What am I willing to do for the one I love?

Love, one grey area.

I asked my bf about what he would do, if his significant other would steal his stuff after their divorce. He immediately answered that he would call the police. The love would be gone. It seemed an easy decision.
But are decisions ever easy when love is involved?
He saw everything in black and white. But with love it's one big grey area.
With love there are no quick solutions.
We get hurt and it clouds our judgement.
Our heart breaks and so does our mind.

Love, it blinds us.

I got up this morning and saw a video about someone who recently got divorced (see previous posts). He was away for a while and came home today to a emptied house. His ex-wife took all her stuff but also his TV, camera and bed. He trusted her and she violated that trust. How can someone you love do such things to you? It hurts like hell. She isn't answering his calls or emails. He wanted to be friends, after the divorce. He still loves her and I understand that. You don't stop loving someone in one second, when you've been together for so long. He offered to support her financially for the time that she was going to be stay with him in his house, she turned it down. He offered to give her an amount of money every month, to help her out. And he's still going to do that. Even after she stole some of his stuff.
Why?
Love.
It blinds us.
It kills us.
But it can also make us feel alive.