The Choice

I keep having these dreams.

The first happened a couple of weeks ago. I was at a party in a garden with a lot of people. I'm sitting on a table with my boyfriend on the other side. I'm talking to the man of my dreams and suddenly he tells me he wants to be with me. He comes closer. He's so close, that all I want to do is kiss him. I want to be with him. But then I see my boyfriend in the corner of my eye. I want to tell the man of my dreams I have a boyfriend, but then I wake up.

Would I have told him? Would I have chosen my boyfriend? Or would I give in and kiss the man of my dreams? I saw the vulnerability in his eyes. I didn't want to hurt him. Hurting him would kill me.

Then yesterday I dreamed I was camping with someone from my class. We grew closer. We kissed. It felt so right. Impulsive. I followed the path of someone I wished I'd be, not who I am. Someone stole his camera and I went after the thief and got it back. I was so proud. I wanted to show him what I was capable of. I wish I had more courage, that I took more risks.
But I can't be like that all the time. 

Who do I want? Who do I want to be?

I have to choose.