Crush or love?

I saw someone I used to have a crush on today. I saw him coming at me on his bike on the opposite side from where I was on the road. I couldn’t see him clearly yet, but I wanted it to be him. He came closer and I immediately knew it was him. I smiled and waved at him. He saw me and smiled back. He was exactly how I remembered him. But I used to get butterflies in my stomach when I saw him. I used to miss him. Now I don’t. I still miss him, but it’s not the same.

The same thing happened a week ago. I saw someone I used to have a crush on, but this time it lingered. I thought about him the entire way to school. Then it just faded. I think he meant more to me.

I used to have alot of different crushes. It started when I was 5. There was this boy who used to pick me up and give me kisses. But he told me, he wanted to be a cowboy. He wanted to go to Texas, but I didn’t want to go, so we lost sight of each other when kindergarten was over. Stupid, I know. I was too young to know what I was feeling. Apparently I saw him again on the bus, but he had gone away before I found out. At that moment I could really hit myself then. I used to think he was my soul mate. I never forgot him. I was so young, but still there was this thing between us. I couldn’t just forget him.

I would get a crush on someone once every year. Once I was 12, puberty hit and I would get a crush every 2 years. Then when I was 15 I had this huge crush on this guy. Someone told him this and he just had no respect. He played with my feelings. He left and went to another school. He broke my heart. Since then I got afraid to tell my feelings to anyone. But at 16 someone new came to our school. After a couple of months I fell for him and we became a couple. But I still didn’t trust it completely. After 9 days we broke up. I had told a friend who I thought I could trust, it wasn’t going well. I was thinking about breaking up with him. She told everyone in school. Of course, he wouldn’t speak to me (for about 6 months). I deserved it. I shouldn’t have told anyone. Of course, after that I no longer trusted that friend and we grew apart when I did my year for the second time. And that year became the best of my life. It was here where I met my boyfriend. I was still having trust issues but he took the walls around my heart down. He was patient and I learned to trust him 100%. We are now together for 2 and a half years. At times, it seems to good to be true. But it’s not all roses and sunshine. We have been through a lot, but we have made it this far.

Who knows what the future will bring?