Dealing with death

My mothers uncle died 2 days ago.
My grandmother told me and I told my mother.
I’d never told anyone before that someone you love isn’t here anymore.
The first day I cried once. Once. That’s not alot if you knew how I usually deal with things when someone dies.
I’ve lost 3 people I love in 4 years.
My great grandmother, grandfather and now my uncle.
First time I completely crashed, the second time I was crushed and now I cried once and that’s it.
I’m starting to think I’m losing the ability to release my emotions.
All the men in my family are dying.
My grandmother, aunt and mother are now without men.
I don’t like the way this is going…
My family is shrinking instead of expanding.
I can’t help but think of the beginning of life when a life ends.
I’m becoming 20 but eventually I want children.
I want to concentrate on the positive things, not the negative.